Remember Woodcock' The sun was shining. Birds chirping. Bees buzzing. The music was pounding against the rolling hills and floating over the flowering fields as our ears were brutally bludgeoned by bad band after bad band in a beautiful cacophony of craptacular carnage. We all wore shorts, some shorter than others. Our singlets left us with unsightly tan lines like that of an overweight builder and our jandals helped us accumulate piles of cigarette butts and gravel between our toes. We drank warm beer from the bottle, shared spit amongst friends and sat in a stoned stupour watching the cows as they happily rolled in their own shit. Ahhh those were the days. But that was summer and now it's fucken cold and my dick looks like a clit. So no point getting all nostalgic about a time when I could still feel my balls - it's time to get this party started again...
Welcome assholes to the Tauranga Music Sux Mid Winter Mini Fest: Burning Wang....
Most of you if like me have probably expressed a desire at some point to go to a Burning Man festival. Cause burning shit is cool. But no doubt you probably also expressed misgivings as to all the hippie, rebirthing, cyrstalised everything, white sage incense coated food, dance around the other people dancing spastically airy fairy earth loving nonsense and so you said 'fuck that I'm just gonna drink some tequila and light some varnish cans on fire'... But now your prayers have been answered.
The fucktards at TMS are happy to announce that our full two hand embrace of the penis continues, this time with our homage to the great wooden effigies of the Burning Man. Sit down and take a breath because we are building a 3metre high wooden penis with pyro ejaculate and flaming testes for you to toast your marshmallows and light your spliffs with. Burn that mother down yo...
And while that should be enough of a draw card on its own as generous people for FREE we will throw in some live music for you to enjoy from some of New Zealands most raucous rock n roll and punk n asshole bands. As we count down till the penis feels the burn of our STD and we light that fucker on fire and watch them blisters pop....
First Announcement for those stupid enough to actually want to play this thing:
Rackets
Team DHDFDs
Gallus Storky
Kitten Tank
X-Ray Fiends
Diehards of Deep Dish
The Necrophiles
2nd Announcement fuckwits:
Stone the Crows
Diving (Final show ever)
Jim Jones and the Peoples Temple
Rumple and Stiltskin
Mason Clinic
Desperandos
Bloodbags
Messier 57
The Poison Hearts
And more to come in the coming weeks when I do the second announcement...
PS. Parking is $2 again so the farmer can take his cut to buy more swanndri's and gumboots or whatever Farmers spend their money on (probably I Phone cases these days, everyones gone fag - oh no he said 'Fag' call the PC Brigade...fags).
PSS. Wouldnt recommend camping cause it will be fucken freezing and just cause you eat your own shit it doesn't mean that you are Bear Grylls and can survive in extreme conditions. Car pool. Get a sober driver. Hire a taxi van. Ya know be responsible yak yak yak etc etc etc...
PSSS. This will not be canceled if it rains, hails, snows, tsunamis, godzillas. Bands will be in the shed. Oil drums will be strewn to warm your hands and areas will be covered to sit and smoke and chat and eat etc etc yak yak yak
PSSSS. $20 Entry. Tickets available at the gate on the day. Doors open at 1:30pm. No politcially correct people this time k, check your liberal tendencies at the door and just enjoy this for what it is - retarded fun for retarded people. 'Oh no, he used the R word...'
PSSSSS. PISSSSSSSSS ON MY FACE...
